熱水

(小朋友一 + 小朋友甲最愛泡澡.)

夫人: 要放泡澡水嘍.
小朋友甲 + 小朋友一: 萬歲! (脫, 脫, 跑, 撞, 趕到澡盆旁.)
夫人: 準備好啦?! 水還沒熱哩.

Cold Faucet

(J + B love bathing.)

Boss: I am drawing a bath.
B + J: Yeah! (stripping, stripping, running, pushing, making their way to the bathtub.)
Boss: That was fast! The water in the faucet is still cold.

水はまだ寒いで

(入浴のような, J + Bは.)

Boss：私はお風呂にご用意しておりますよ.
B + J：すごい！ （服を脱いで、実行して、押して、バスタブに来て.）
Boss：それは早かったな！蛇口の水はまだ寒いで.

Agua ya está frío

(J + B les gusta el baño.)

Jefe: Estoy preparando un baño.
B + J: ¡Viva! (se desnudando, corriendo, empujando, viniendo
a la bañera.)
Jefe: ¡Fueron tan rápido! El agua del grifo ya está frío.

Low Cloud

B: See the hawk above the cloud?
Dad: Wow, so high.
B: Can the cloud be that low?
Dad: If it is "Low Cloud".
B: (Don't you treat me like a patsy - dirty look.)

--
Dad: I swear it is called "Low Cloud" - C1, Genus Status (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cloud#Low_.28Family_C1.29)

低雲

小朋友一: 看那隻鷹飛在雲上面.
阿爸: 哇, 飛好高!
小朋友一: 雲有那麼低的嗎?
阿爸: 如果是『低雲』的話.
小朋友一: (瞪 - 耍我不識字嗎?!)

--
阿爸: (無辜.) 真的叫『低雲』啊 - C1, 層雲 (http://zh.wikipedia.org/zh-tw/%E4%BA%91#.E4.BD.8E.E4.BA.91.E6.97.8F)

算『一』, 『二』, 『三』

小朋友甲: 我不要打預防針!
夫人: 爸媽小時候也都打過哦.
小朋友甲: (哀嚎)

--
夫人: 打預防針會痛, 可是還是要打. 你如果放鬆會比較快, 比較不痛. 你可以算『一』, 『二』, 『三』, 預防針就打好了.

--
小朋友甲: 你知道嗎. 我算『一』, 『二』, 還沒到『三』, 就好了!

Counting One, Two, Three

B: I don't want immunization shots!
Boss: You know, Dad and I had these shots when we were kids.
B: (Howling and kicking)

--
Boss: Shots hurt but you know you have to get them. Relax and it would end quickly and hurt less. Here is a trick, calmly count "one", "two", "three" and it would be finished.

--
B: Wow! I counted "one" and "two" and, before I could count "three", it was over already!

阿爸二景

小朋友一: 我不怕你!
阿爸: 你什麼時候怕過我了?

--

小朋友甲: (擠著)抱抱!
阿爸: 怎麼, 把媽惹毛啦?

What Dad is Really For

B: I am not afraid of you!
Dad: Have you ever been?

--

J: (Snuggle up) Hold me!
Dad: Pissed off mom?

Crowd Sourcing on Chinese Names, aka 三鷹誌 之猛禽篇

Harrier

Buzzard

Osprey





在 "Hawk v Falcon v Eagle 之三鷹誌 (http://martiniparenting.blogspot.com/2011/01/hawk-v-falcon-v-eagle.html)" po 後, 透過觀眾"苦牢壽司 (crowd source)", 由初級賞鳥人, haru (Taiwan) 指點, 才知道這些猛禽的正確中文名稱.

haru-san, 謝謝
低級賞鳥人 (Martini Parenting)

--
Falcon 隼 (比鴿子大一點點，其中的遊隼是全世界飛的最快的鳥類，瞬間時速可以到300km）

Hawk, Accipiter 鷹

Eagle 雕

Buzzard 鵟 (台灣還有ㄧ種Oriental Honey Buzzard 蜂鷹，是愛吃蜂蜜的猛禽。要去養蜂場埋伏，才有機會看到牠。)

Harrier 鷂

Kite 鳶

Osprey 鶚

Vulture 鷲

參考的圖鑑：猛禽觀察圖鑑 / A Field Guide to the Raptors of Taiwan (http://www.kingstone.com.tw/book/book_page.asp?LID=se008&kmcode=2013880029854&Actid=wise&partner=) 林文宏著, 鄭司維繪, 2006, 遠流出版

--
好叫你知道.

考古學家

(小朋友讀到, 流星撞到地球後, 恐龍變成化石.)

阿爸: 去哪裡?
小朋友一: 流星撞到, 把動物園蓋住了(http://martiniparenting.blogspot.com/2011/01/blog-post_15.html).
阿爸: 那跟你手拿的槌子有什麼關係?
小朋友一: 小朋友甲跟我要去挖化石.

(化石 = 玩具動物塞在枕頭與棉被下面)

Paleontologists

(J and B read the chapter on how a comet caused dinosaur's end, hence human dig for fossil today.)

Dad: Where are you rushing to?
B: A comet hit and threw up a blanket of dust on the ancient zoo (http://martiniparenting.blogspot.com/2011/01/ancient-zoo.html).
Dad: What does that have to do with the hammer?
B: J and I are digging for fossils.

(Fossils = stuffed animals under a pile of blanket and pillows.)

笨電視

家裡很少看電視, 所以當阿爸同意晚餐後看十分鐘, 小朋友一與小朋友甲很興奮的討論一番.

-餐後-

夫人: 誰要玩樂高磚塊?
小朋友甲: 我!
阿爸: 不看電視?
小朋友甲: 算了. 看電視會變笨.

Stupid TV

Watching TV is a rare luxury. After dad agreeing to 10 minutes of TV after dinner, J and B have been negotiating how to best spend the time.

-after dinner-

Boss: who wants play Lego?
B: Me!
Dad: No TV, B?
B: That is okay, TV makes you stupid anyway.

Hawk v Falcon v Eagle 之三鷹誌

Hawk

Falcon

Eagle





阿爸: 小朋友, 一起來讀這本鳥的書吧.

小朋友一: 這是?
阿爸: Hawk. 中文是『鷹』.

小朋友甲: 這是?
阿爸: Falcon. 中文是...『鷹』.

夫人: 這是?
阿爸: Eagle. 中文是......『鷹』.

---

(因國學欠佳而很慚愧之沒信心阿爸, 先找 Google Translate (http://translate.google.com/translate_t?hl=&ie=UTF-8&text=hawk%0D%0Afalcon%0D%0Aeagle&sl=en&tl=zh-TW#), 後查大陸英漢辭典. 結論是, 足不出門的臭書生不只是阿爸.)

沒信心阿爸: @#$%!!!
沒信心阿爸: (有信心的) 這個我知道. Fuck! 中文是『幹』!

舞煞煞的 Uncle Ben

阿爸: 小朋友, 等一下要跟我的表弟 Ben 吃飯.
小朋友一: 你的表弟是誰?
阿爸: 這是個很好的問題. 他是我的姑姑的兒子, 所以是堂, 不是, 是表, 舅, 不是, 舅是媽媽那一邊的, 我的表弟, 所以不是伯, 應該是叔, 可是表弟算叔嗎?
小朋友一: (一臉舞煞煞的疑問.)

-阿爸沉思-

阿爸: 他是你的 Uncle Ben.

Where do the grapes go?

B: Dad, see. I finished my grapes. Can I have some chips?
Dad: Good job. Here are chips. J, you can have chips too, after finishing your grapes.

-a few seconds later-

Boss: B, have you finished your grapes?
B: Hey, J's grapes are in my bowl!

葡萄 v 薯片

小朋友甲: 阿爸, 看, 葡萄吃完了. 可以吃薯片嗎?
阿爸: 很好. 來, 薯片. 小朋友一, 葡萄吃完可以吃薯片哦.

-數秒後-

夫人: 小朋友甲, 你葡萄還沒吃完.
小朋友甲: 咦! 小朋友一把沒吃完的葡萄放我這邊!

絕地(Jedi)功力又進一級

(小朋友頭蓋著枕頭套, 拿著枕頭混戰.)

阿爸: 你們在幹嘛?
小朋友甲: 打架.
阿爸: 頭蓋著枕頭套, 看得到嗎?
小朋友甲: 感覺得到啊!

--
絕地(Jedi)武士功力又進一級. (阿爸自慢.)

The Force is strong

(B and J put on pillow cases as masks and whacking each other with pillows.)

Dad: What are you doing?
B: A brawl.
Dad: Can you see with the pillow case covering your eyes?
B: No problem. I can feel it.

--
Jedi knighthood is in sight. (Dad beaming)

古老的動物園

夫人: 為什麼這麼多(玩具)動物?
小朋友甲: 這裡是動物園.
夫人: 包括暴龍?
小朋友一: 這是個古老的動物園.

An ancient zoo

Boss: Why so many (stuffed) animals here?
J: It is a zoo.
Boss: Including a T. Rex?
B: It is an ancient zoo.

阿爸偉人

阿爸: 小朋友甲是你的朋友嗎?
小朋友一: 是.
阿爸: 阿爸是你的朋友嗎?
小朋友一: 不是.
阿爸: 那, 阿爸是你的偉人嗎?
小朋友一: 是.
阿爸: (樂.)

-數秒後-

小朋友一: 阿爸, 偉人是什麼?

Dad the idol

Dad: Is J your friend?
B: Yes.
Dad: Is dad your friend?
B: No.
Dad: Oh! Is dad your idol then?
B: Yes.
Dad: (big grin.)

-A few seconds later-

B: Dad. What is an idol?

說愛愛

(小朋友吵架. 小朋友甲在哭. 小朋友一想跟小朋友甲講一句道歉的話.)

小朋友一: 甲, 愛愛.

夫人與阿爸: 等一下! 小朋友一, 你從來沒跟我們說過愛愛!

--
怎麼?! 你以為這是家庭倫理大團圓嗎?

Saying I love you

(J and B had a fight. B was crying and J wanted to say something conciliatory to B.)

J: I love you.

Mom and dad: Hey! J, You have never said that to us!

--
What?! Mom and dad need to get a piece the action too, no?

大野狼 v 美少女

(小朋友甲蓋了一個城堡, 忙著找大野狼來吹吹看.)

小朋友甲: 你要作大野狼嗎?
夫人: 不要, 我要作美少女!
小朋友甲: ?

夫人與阿爸: (Fist bump/兩拳相擊.)

The big bad ingenue

(B built a fort and is looking for somebody to play the big bad wolf to blow it down.)

B: Would you be a big bad wolf?
Boss: No. I would rather be an ingénue
B: ?

Boss + dad: (fist bumps)

The many ways of Chinese tortures

a.k.a. Why I can prep my kids better than the Chua Method

The WSJ article "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior" touched a raw nerve for many. Asian community's reaction seems to be mostly one of horror while other communities are bewildered.

In fairness, I thought WSJ offered a reasonable counterpoint in the video section to show that this is not how every Asian mother thinks. Nonetheless, the counter-examples do not exactly have the same gravitas as a Yale Law professor with two Carnegie performing kids in tow.

* Reactions

Beyond extensive discussion, here are a few public reactions that I have found.

"Amy Chua's Book on "Model Minority" Parenting, a Tempest in a Green-Tea Pot" tries to point out the fallacies with the single track mentality espoused by Ms Chua.

"Chinese Parenting yuck!...wait!" gives an on-the-ground interpretation on the good and bad points of Chua approach as seen in Asia.

"I Wish My Chinese Mother Screamed at Me More Often" is a satire that blames the parents for not being more Chua-like.

My favorite reaction was a comment that the article is funny and should be viewed in the same light as the piece by Russell Peters on how "foreign" parents beat their kids.



* The Good

I think Ms Chua has some good points. Lest we forget that it is okay for parents to be parents. And, doing right by your kid does mean making them eat broccoli sometimes.

Similarly, I also believe that it is perfectly reasonable to expect an "average" kid to do the "basic" stuff. In other words, ability to construct a thoughtful idea using complex clauses, know the multiplication table, find Iceland on the map, and, yes I am saying it, read Hamlet.

* The Bad

The potential negative impact to the child of a strict adherence to the Chua system has been discussed extensively by the reactions above. So, I will add only one point. Namely, even assuming that the parent is successful with the approach and the kid turns out "okay", this would only make for a high quality worker bee. Maybe so high quality that this bee can find a faculty position in an Ivy League institution, but unlikely to be more than an individual contributor.

I am not knocking individual contributors, they are the backbone of any organization. But, could a Chua child be a CEO and run a global company, be a president and run a country, or be a community leader and get things done in the neighborhood? As the saying goes, shit happens, but I wouldn't bet on it.

* The Ugly

What is missing in the sea of reaction, however, is the acknowledgement that adherence, or indeed admiration, to the Chua system continues to be wide spread in Asia.

Historically, the Chua method is targeted specifically at the Chinese ruling elites as typified by the examination system. Do the right things, i.e. know your Four Books, and you will be handsomely rewarded materially and reputation-wise. With modernization and democratization, the middle class has gotten into the act. Surely what is good enough for the elite is good enough for my kids.

Social-economically, today, with ruling elites still dominating the political and economic sphere, the situation has not changed significantly. In other words, if you are not already one but want to break bread with the elite, you have act and think like one. Remember the movie, The Talented Mr. Ripley? Hopefully not as creepy or murderous, but you better know your Four Books, piano, and whatever else.

Conversely, this clearly articulated system provides a perverse release valve in social mobility for those who cannot make it. It is not that you are not allowed to reach the top but you just plainly suck at your Four Books, piano, and whatever else.

Plus, it creates high quality worker bees. It is a pretty nicely self-contained system, you've gotta admit.

* The Down Right Conspiratorial

So, what is the big deal outside of Asia? In the US, and to some extent throughout most of the major OECD countries, today's zeitgeist is to fret over the seemingly unstoppable ascendency of China. And, just like Japan in the 80's for those of us old enough to remember, everyone who is somebody today is learning Chinese and trying to understand China's secret sauce.

(Speaking of learning Chinese, if another Caucasian parent wants little Johnny to recite Chinese to me, I will hurt somebody.)

On this point, you have to give it to Penguin Press, the publisher. Talk about perfect book placement and the waves of publicity that money cannot buy! Capitalism at its best is what I say. Think about it, nobody made money digging for gold in California, but the clothes maker (Levis) and the transportation service (Well Fargo) endured.

(And, here I am, volunteering my time to further the cause of the publisher.)

Also, one must have some sympathy for Ms Chua. Lessons and good instruments ain't exactly cheap and on less than 200K a year as a full professor at Yale Law, I am sure that she can use some help with the bills.

* A few personal thoughts

I hung out with a bunch of children's book writers recently and learnt that it is a very bad idea to include your own kids in the story. The famous example is A. A. Milne's Winnie the Pooh where his son Christopher Robin (Milne) was prominently featured. The actual Christopher never forgave his dad for using his name in public like that.

Ms Chua's kids seem to be older, so one hopes such complex would not develop with mom's latest book. All the same, they have been instantly transformed into huge targets with bull's eyes on their backs. Unless the book's royalty is enough for them to retire at this young age, mom seems to have forced a Faustian bargain onto the kids.

Does not seem cool.

But, most of all, after ruminating the article for a few days. I am reminded of Quino's Miguelito in the Mafalda cartoon strip where



Miguelito tossed his toy gun aside and told Mafalda "I don't need somebody to teach me violence. I am perfectly good at doing violence my way!"

--
To dear Ms Chua,

I don't need you to teach me how to mistreat my kids. I am perfectly capable of getting them ready for the shrinks my way!

Sincerely Yours, Martini Parenting

二十四孝減一孝

跟小朋友一與小朋友甲多次會談後, 終於達到共識. 小朋友睡自己的床.

--
夫人與阿爸靜靜的躺在床上. 兩人手漸漸接觸...

夫人+阿爸(同時): "媽呀 好冷!"

Each to own bed

After a few rounds of tough negotiations with B & J, J & B agreed to sleep in their own bed.

--
Boss and dad got into own bed without a hidden critter.

Slowly, fingers touched...

Boss + Dad (simultaneously) said: "Dang! It is cold here without the kids."

綜合教育

夫人: 甚麼字是 R 開頭?
小朋友一: Rhino?
夫人: 很好, 那Rhino的中文是甚麼?
小朋友一: 犀牛.
小朋友甲: 犀牛/新娘(台)?!
小朋友甲 + 阿爸: (台)新娘, 新娘水噹噹; 褲底破一洞; 後面在爆米香...

秘密不跟你講

(床上.)

小朋友甲: 我有秘密不跟你講.
阿爸: 你跟枕頭講嗎?
小朋友甲: 我不跟枕頭講. 我不跟熊熊講. 我不跟門講. 我不跟衣藍講. 我不跟床講. 我不跟房子講. 我不跟窗戶講. 我不跟地毯講...
阿爸: (裝睡打呼嚕.)
小朋友甲: 爸?

I won't tell you

(In bed.)

B: I have something that I won't tell you.
Dad: Would you tell the pillow?
B: No. I won't tell the pillow. I won't tell the teddy bear. I won't tell the door. I won't tell the hamper. I won't tell the bed. I won't tell the house. I won't tell the windows. I won't tell the rug...
Dad: (fake snoring.)
B: Dad?

House's rear end

B: Do you know what is the house's ass?
Dad: Uhm... No, I don't.
B: It is the earth! Huahahahahah!
Dad: (Silence...)

房子的屁股

小朋友一: 你知道房子的屁股是什麼嗎?
阿爸: 不知道, 是什麼?
小朋友一: 是地球! 哇哈哈哈哈哈!!!
阿爸: (反省中...)

怪怪洗手

(浴室洗手香皂跟保養乳液罐子類似)

夫人: 你在幹嘛?
小朋友甲: 洗手.
夫人: 怪怪的.
小朋友甲: 我用這個.
夫人: 那是保養乳液!

The wrong pump for hands

(Hand soap and hand lotion use the same style pump in the bathroom)

Mom: What are you doing?
J: Washing hands.
Mom: It looks odd.
J: I used this.
Mom: That is lotion for your hands.

怕怕糖果屋

過節就要聽一些如糖果屋 (Hansel & Gretel by Humperdinck) 的歌劇. 可是阿爸忘了裡面有巫婆.

--
小朋友甲: 不要聽.
阿爸: 怎麼了?
小朋友甲: 怕怕.
阿爸: 那我們換魔笛 Die Zauberflöte 吧.

--
很忌妒小朋友聽音樂的功力.

Turn Humperdinck Off

'tis the season for holiday operas. Popped in Hansel & Gretel by Humperdinck. What could be more appropriate than that?

That is, until the (evil) step-mom comes on with her aria.

--
B: Turn it off.
Dad: What happened?
B: It makes me anxious.
Dad: Okay, let's play the Die Zauberflöte.

--
I envy B's intuitive sense of music.

雙『撲』怪

小朋友一: 我知道有一種怪物有兩個屁股, 而且會同時『撲撲』.
夫人: 撲一樣的東西嗎?
小朋友一: (沉思.)

--
看來雙撲怪會有續集.

Double-poop Monster

B: I know a monster with two asses that can poop at the same time.
Boss: Wow! Do the asses poop the same thing?
B: (deep in thought)

--
I suspect we have not heard the end of the tale of the simul-poop monster...