The WSJ article "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior" touched a raw nerve for many. Asian community's reaction seems to be mostly one of horror while other communities are bewildered.
In fairness, I thought WSJ offered a reasonable counterpoint in the video section to show that this is not how every Asian mother thinks. Nonetheless, the counter-examples do not exactly have the same gravitas as a Yale Law professor with two Carnegie performing kids in tow.
* Reactions
Beyond extensive discussion, here are a few public reactions that I have found.
"Amy Chua's Book on "Model Minority" Parenting, a Tempest in a Green-Tea Pot" tries to point out the fallacies with the single track mentality espoused by Ms Chua.
"Chinese Parenting yuck!...wait!" gives an on-the-ground interpretation on the good and bad points of Chua approach as seen in Asia.
"I Wish My Chinese Mother Screamed at Me More Often" is a satire that blames the parents for not being more Chua-like.
My favorite reaction was a comment that the article is funny and should be viewed in the same light as the piece by Russell Peters on how "foreign" parents beat their kids.
* The Good
I think Ms Chua has some good points. Lest we forget that it is okay for parents to be parents. And, doing right by your kid does mean making them eat broccoli sometimes.
Similarly, I also believe that it is perfectly reasonable to expect an "average" kid to do the "basic" stuff. In other words, ability to construct a thoughtful idea using complex clauses, know the multiplication table, find Iceland on the map, and, yes I am saying it, read Hamlet.
* The Bad
The potential negative impact to the child of a strict adherence to the Chua system has been discussed extensively by the reactions above. So, I will add only one point. Namely, even assuming that the parent is successful with the approach and the kid turns out "okay", this would only make for a high quality worker bee. Maybe so high quality that this bee can find a faculty position in an Ivy League institution, but unlikely to be more than an individual contributor.
I am not knocking individual contributors, they are the backbone of any organization. But, could a Chua child be a CEO and run a global company, be a president and run a country, or be a community leader and get things done in the neighborhood? As the saying goes, shit happens, but I wouldn't bet on it.
* The Ugly
What is missing in the sea of reaction, however, is the acknowledgement that adherence, or indeed admiration, to the Chua system continues to be wide spread in Asia.
Historically, the Chua method is targeted specifically at the Chinese ruling elites as typified by the examination system. Do the right things, i.e. know your Four Books, and you will be handsomely rewarded materially and reputation-wise. With modernization and democratization, the middle class has gotten into the act. Surely what is good enough for the elite is good enough for my kids.
Social-economically, today, with ruling elites still dominating the political and economic sphere, the situation has not changed significantly. In other words, if you are not already one but want to break bread with the elite, you have act and think like one. Remember the movie, The Talented Mr. Ripley? Hopefully not as creepy or murderous, but you better know your Four Books, piano, and whatever else.
Conversely, this clearly articulated system provides a perverse release valve in social mobility for those who cannot make it. It is not that you are not allowed to reach the top but you just plainly suck at your Four Books, piano, and whatever else.
Plus, it creates high quality worker bees. It is a pretty nicely self-contained system, you've gotta admit.
* The Down Right Conspiratorial
So, what is the big deal outside of Asia? In the US, and to some extent throughout most of the major OECD countries, today's zeitgeist is to fret over the seemingly unstoppable ascendency of China. And, just like Japan in the 80's for those of us old enough to remember, everyone who is somebody today is learning Chinese and trying to understand China's secret sauce.
(Speaking of learning Chinese, if another Caucasian parent wants little Johnny to recite Chinese to me, I will hurt somebody.)
On this point, you have to give it to Penguin Press, the publisher. Talk about perfect book placement and the waves of publicity that money cannot buy! Capitalism at its best is what I say. Think about it, nobody made money digging for gold in California, but the clothes maker (Levis) and the transportation service (Well Fargo) endured.
(And, here I am, volunteering my time to further the cause of the publisher.)
Also, one must have some sympathy for Ms Chua. Lessons and good instruments ain't exactly cheap and on less than 200K a year as a full professor at Yale Law, I am sure that she can use some help with the bills.
* A few personal thoughts
I hung out with a bunch of children's book writers recently and learnt that it is a very bad idea to include your own kids in the story. The famous example is A. A. Milne's Winnie the Pooh where his son Christopher Robin (Milne) was prominently featured. The actual Christopher never forgave his dad for using his name in public like that.
Ms Chua's kids seem to be older, so one hopes such complex would not develop with mom's latest book. All the same, they have been instantly transformed into huge targets with bull's eyes on their backs. Unless the book's royalty is enough for them to retire at this young age, mom seems to have forced a Faustian bargain onto the kids.
Does not seem cool.
But, most of all, after ruminating the article for a few days. I am reminded of Quino's Miguelito in the Mafalda cartoon strip where
Miguelito tossed his toy gun aside and told Mafalda "I don't need somebody to teach me violence. I am perfectly good at doing violence my way!"
--
To dear Ms Chua,
I don't need you to teach me how to mistreat my kids. I am perfectly capable of getting them ready for the shrinks my way!
Sincerely Yours, Martini Parenting
Oh lord.
ReplyDeleteThis isn't new.
This is the way British kids were brought up - slightly different goals (staying "in your place" was important, similar to conformity but slightly different) but the same methods were employed: hypercriticism, questioning achievement ("why didn't you get an A?), constant belittling, etc.
It screwed up English kids back when it was trendy; it screws up Chinese kids too. It's not new. It's perhaps rooted in a different tradition (shame versus guilt) but the outcomes are the same: worker bees who have the nagging sense of never being able to do anything right no matter how hard they try.
For every set of kids like that woman's, there's an Evelyn Lau out there. It only works because of the resiliency of the human spirit; despite these parents, not because of them.